The pet peeve thread

[slothfacekilla]

My only guess is something for a tv show or movie but ya lack of permit + other info just makes it seem super sketchy.  Might have to go get a closer look later tonight haha.

[Edman85]

Some pro golfers smoke. Whatever.

The golf media glorifying it is my pet peeve. It is weird and just wrong.

[smr-nj]

Not really a peeve, just feeling upset today. Yesterday’s “Debby” stuff brought incredibly strong winds & lots of rain, and toppled my smaller (but totally healthy) weeping cherry tree. The tree thankfully didn’t hit the house, nor fall into the driveway and hit my neighbors car next-door. So that’s the good news, but I love that freaking little tree. Such a beautiful flowers in the spring, though short lived. It’s gorgeous weather today and I just can’t enjoy it. I’ll admit it. I’m really sad.😢

[slothfacekilla]

 

A lot of progress has been made on my neighborhood pyramid.  There was a Spanish speaking "news outlet" (I put in quotes because it seemed like a low budget affair) doing reports on it this morning it seemed like

[gehringer_2]

1 hour ago, slothfacekilla said:

 

A lot of progress has been made on my neighborhood pyramid.  There was a Spanish speaking "news outlet" (I put in quotes because it seemed like a low budget affair) doing reports on it this morning it seemed like

keep the virgins locked away if the rice crop is failing.....

[Motor City Sonics]

Headline:  Fifth body recovered from sunken superyacht deemed ‘unsinkable’ by ship manufacturer CEO

 

 

 

Hey, meet me at Camera 2 here.      Hi,  I just wanted to ask all shipbuilders that you should probably stop calling your ships Unsinkable.      It doesn't seem to work.     See, nature is kind of, well, sensitive to statements that questions her power.   Perhaps its best just to not say anything at all.   

[chasfh]

Being called "boss" by random guys.

I do a thing at this place three days a week, and as I walk in today there's a new guy, age 20 or so. We're passing by each other and I say "hey, how ya doin'?", slightly upbeat. He responds with a low intoned "'sup boss." I might have done the slightest of double takes on it before immediately interfacing with my coordinator about my job today.

There's some Reddit debate about whether it's respect or patronizing. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't see it as respect. Mainly because most of the random guys who've called me "boss" looked to me in the moment like they were resentful or seething, like they wanted to kick my ass. "Oh, what, you think you're a boss? Wanna prove it?" It feels like that kind of thing. These have been people like certain car wash employees or auto repair, blue collar guys. Not all of them, not even most of them, but just the odd one here and there. And this kid presented like he's from an environment that privileges blue collar tough guys.

I imagine what they're doing when they say that is trying to trick me into believing they respect me when in fact they mean it as an insult, same as when people say "bless your heart." Insults coded as compliments or flattery. Maybe it makes them feel clever. But I've never liked it, and it always makes me feel slightly on edge if I have to keep hanging around them for whatever reason.

Well, at least no one I see on a regular basis does that.

[gehringer_2]

9 minutes ago, chasfh said:

Being called "boss" by random guys.

I do a thing at this place three days a week, and as I walk in today there's a new guy, age 20 or so. We're passing by each other and I say "hey, how ya doin'?", slightly upbeat. He responds with a low intoned "'sup boss." I might have done the slightest of double takes on it before immediately interfacing with my coordinator about my job today.

There's some Reddit debate about whether it's respect or patronizing. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't see it as respect. Mainly because most of the random guys who've called me "boss" looked to me in the moment like they were resentful or seething, like they wanted to kick my ass. "Oh, what, you think you're a boss? Wanna prove it?" It feels like that kind of thing. These have been people like certain car wash employees or auto repair, blue collar guys. Not all of them, not even most of them, but just the odd one here and there. And this kid presented like he's from an environment that privileges blue collar tough guys.

I imagine what they're doing when they say that is trying to trick me into believing they respect me when in fact they mean it as an insult, same as when people say "bless your heart." Insults coded as compliments or flattery. Maybe it makes them feel clever. But I've never liked it, and it always makes me feel slightly on edge if I have to keep hanging around them for whatever reason.

Well, at least no one I see on a regular basis does that.

I think if it comes from a 30 ish with "'sup"  it's probably just hello. It was already getting common with my kids' cohort. "Boss" does definitely depend on what comes with it and tone always matters, but I would say with "'sup" I'd just take it as generational patois.

[Motor City Sonics]

1 hour ago, chasfh said:

Being called "boss" by random guys.

I do a thing at this place three days a week, and as I walk in today there's a new guy, age 20 or so. We're passing by each other and I say "hey, how ya doin'?", slightly upbeat. He responds with a low intoned "'sup boss." I might have done the slightest of double takes on it before immediately interfacing with my coordinator about my job today.

There's some Reddit debate about whether it's respect or patronizing. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't see it as respect. Mainly because most of the random guys who've called me "boss" looked to me in the moment like they were resentful or seething, like they wanted to kick my ass. "Oh, what, you think you're a boss? Wanna prove it?" It feels like that kind of thing. These have been people like certain car wash employees or auto repair, blue collar guys. Not all of them, not even most of them, but just the odd one here and there. And this kid presented like he's from an environment that privileges blue collar tough guys.

I imagine what they're doing when they say that is trying to trick me into believing they respect me when in fact they mean it as an insult, same as when people say "bless your heart." Insults coded as compliments or flattery. Maybe it makes them feel clever. But I've never liked it, and it always makes me feel slightly on edge if I have to keep hanging around them for whatever reason.

Well, at least no one I see on a regular basis does that.

Are you sure it wasn't just Marshawn Lynch  "I'm just about that action, Boss"

[chasfh]

15 hours ago, gehringer_2 said:

I think if it comes from a 30 ish with "'sup"  it's probably just hello. It was already getting common with my kids' cohort. "Boss" does definitely depend on what comes with it and tone always matters, but I would say with "'sup" I'd just take it as generational patois.

I was there. I know how "'sup" sounded.

[Dan Gilmore]

During the worst of covid I would sometimes get grocery orders and pick them up in the dedicated parking spots. Most times it was brought to me by people that appeared to be under 25. Several of the young guys would use boss, as in “want me to close the hatch, boss?”. It seemed like a generic term, one they threw out dozens of times a day, with no caste/power implications IMO. I hear it far less now (and don’t do grocery orders) so I assumed it was a slang term that had its day and was fading out. 

[Shelton]

It’s the same as saying buddy, pal, bro, to people that aren’t actually your buddy, pal, or bro. There’s nothing in it. 

[CMRivdogs]

The "boss" thing became a peeve for me several years ago. Especially young guys working the counter at gas station/convenience stores and places like that. I haven't frequented those type of places since I gave up the M&M habit.

I tend to use the term sir and mam a bit when I hang out at the information desks. Maybe these dudes use boss in the same way.

I doubt it though. 

[Hongbit]

8 minutes ago, CMRivdogs said:

I tend to use the term sir and mam a bit when I hang out at the information desks. Maybe these dudes use boss in the same way.

I doubt it though. 

I think you’re right on that, champ.  

[oblong]

It’s a variant on these greetings:

Hey, there he is

they let anybody in here

staying out of trouble?

 

[oblong]

When you are in a situation where a service worker is doing their job and you say “thanks” or “thank you” and they reply “no problem”. 

like they did you a favor.  

The Ritz Carlton used to instruct their employees to never say “no problem” or “you’re welcome”.  They should say “my pleasure”.  Chik Fil A adopted that too.  
 

 

[gehringer_2]

40 minutes ago, oblong said:

The Ritz Carlton used to instruct their employees to never say “no problem” or “you’re welcome”.  They should say “my pleasure”.

Meh. Overkill. Say anything with a smile and the right attitude and it's fine. It makes be feel guilty to accept service at a place where I feel a condition for employment by the staff is to be autonamatons.

Edited September 6 by gehringer_2

[CMRivdogs]

I tend to use "Enjoy your day" enjoy your visit after a good conversation with guests at the CW info center

[Shades of Deivi Cruz]

13 hours ago, Shelton said:

It’s the same as saying buddy, pal, bro, to people that aren’t actually your buddy, pal, or bro. There’s nothing in it. 

[chasfh]

13 hours ago, CMRivdogs said:

The "boss" thing became a peeve for me several years ago. Especially young guys working the counter at gas station/convenience stores and places like that. I haven't frequented those type of places since I gave up the M&M habit.

I tend to use the term sir and mam a bit when I hang out at the information desks. Maybe these dudes use boss in the same way.

I doubt it though. 

I don't think "Boss" is quite the same as "Bro" or "Buddy" or "Pal". At least those last three are somewhat peer-level greetings, even when they're delivered with barely concealed hostility, which they frequently are. "Boss" is a hierarchical greeting that's historically freighted because it has at least some connection to slavery and Jim Crow. The people who were expected to refer to someone else as "boss" didn't do so because they loved their boss, or because they thought of him as a benevolent benefactor. It was a way to establish a clear divide between first-class and second-class people, which is why second-class people were once routinely referred to as "boy", "girl", "auntie", or "uncle". How names and honorifics usually convey a great deal of meaning.

We're not supposed to have a second class of people these days, and those who would have fallen into that category generations ago are acutely aware of that, so resurrecting the appellation "boss" is at least borderline provocative and sneaky hostile, I think in most cases, actually. After all, historically first-class people such as white collar people, especially women, don't address their bosses as "boss", unless the boss likes it or requests it, which to me actually constitutes a red flag about the boss.

There's only one acceptable situation in which I don't mind when some random dude calls me "boss", and that's if he honestly mistakes me for Bruce Springsteen. Otherwise, stow it, chief.

[chasfh]

13 hours ago, oblong said:

When you are in a situation where a service worker is doing their job and you say “thanks” or “thank you” and they reply “no problem”. 

like they did you a favor.  

The Ritz Carlton used to instruct their employees to never say “no problem” or “you’re welcome”.  They should say “my pleasure”.  Chik Fil A adopted that too.  
 

 

It is definitely a different era for retail or restaurant or service worker protocols when it comes to etiquette. When I was growing up, when you made a retail transaction, the clerk would invariably close the transaction with "thank you". They said this to me even when I was a early teenager, and that was during an era of maximized suspicion and loathing of long-haired teenagers.

Nowadays, I would say that fewer than 10% of retail clerks end the transaction with "thank you", and maybe 75% of them end with this exact phrase: "Have a good one". I don't know how that phrase achieved such universality, but it has. The rest of the clerks maintain silence. I think this might be because many of the retail clerks of my youth grew up during the Depressions and war, during which there was still a culture that expected and accepted a form of cordial servility by service workers—perhaps related to the historical first class/second class divide I mentioned. That doesn't exist on just about any level these days, at least among service clerks born in first world countries. Nowadays clerks tend to think of customers as peers, which implies the negotiation of give and take, and not as patrons, which implies the imperative of service.

[oblong]

9 minutes ago, chasfh said:

It is definitely a different era for retail or restaurant or service worker protocols when it comes to etiquette. When I was growing up, when you made a retail transaction, the clerk would invariably close the transaction with "thank you". They said this to me even when I was a early teenager, and that was during an era of maximized suspicion and loathing of long-haired teenagers.

Nowadays, I would say that fewer than 10% of retail clerks end the transaction with "thank you", and maybe 75% of them end with this exact phrase: "Have a good one". I don't know how that phrase achieved such universality, but it has. The rest of the clerks maintain silence. I think this might be because many of the retail clerks of my youth grew up during the Depressions and war, during which there was still a culture that expected and accepted a form of cordial servility by service workers—perhaps related to the historical first class/second class divide I mentioned. That doesn't exist on just about any level these days, at least among service clerks born in first world countries. Nowadays clerks tend to think of customers as peers, which implies the negotiation of give and take, and not as patrons, which implies the imperative of service.

I like to thank them to show that I respect their job and that I don't look at them as my servant.  I have some friends who do not do that because they figure "We paid good money, they're not doing us a favor" and I resent that.  I did that kind of work.  We're all just trying to make a living one way or another.   That's why I posted it in the pet peeve thread. It's not a big deal overall.  I see it as a lack of training and the business itself, the corporation, has to make that emphasis.   The family owned deli I go to every Thursday does it right.  They thank me for coming in and tell me they are happy to see you.

Now if the server or cashier does something above normal duties, like throws in extra napkins or offers to double bag my item... something.... then if I say thank you and they say "You're welcome" then it's warranted. 

 

[chasfh]

8 minutes ago, oblong said:

I like to thank them to show that I respect their job and that I don't look at them as my servant.  I have some friends who do not do that because they figure "We paid good money, they're not doing us a favor" and I resent that.  I did that kind of work.  We're all just trying to make a living one way or another.   That's why I posted it in the pet peeve thread. It's not a big deal overall.  I see it as a lack of training and the business itself, the corporation, has to make that emphasis.   The family owned deli I go to every Thursday does it right.  They thank me for coming in and tell me they are happy to see you.

Now if the server or cashier does something above normal duties, like throws in extra napkins or offers to double bag my item... something.... then if I say thank you and they say "You're welcome" then it's warranted. 

 

See, that’s another change in the past few generations: the expectation of saying “thank you” has completely shifted from the service clerk to the customer. In maybe 80% of cases it goes like this: transaction completed, clerk hands customer the receipt, clerk says “have a good one”, customer says “thank you.” Occasionally the phrases will be flipped: transaction completed, clerk hands customer the receipt, customer says “thank you,” clerk replies, “have a good one”, or nothing at all.

To me, the ideal transaction would be, clerk hands me receipt or change, says “thank you”, and I say “thank you”, with the attendant farewells. But I don’t get to expect that.

I don’t know whether retail chains train their clerks in customer interaction, but if they do at all, it definitely does include “say thank you after the transaction”, because hardly anyone does that.

I’m of the impression that clerks, especially those who identify as black, feel uncomfortable saying “thank you” because to them it implies a form of servility, and that’s a particular sore point with them, and you can see why.

I remember this topic coming up on the old board maybe 10 or so years ago. I had mentioned in that pet peeve thread how I missed when clerks would say “thank you” after a transaction, and some posters there absolutely hammered me for that, basically saying how dare I expect clerks to kiss my ass, or something to that effect. Their response seemed a little overboard to me. There was also a sidebar about name tags, and a couple posters who wore name tags for their job insisted it was not at all intended for customers to refer to them by name while they’re on the job, which they regarded as a kind of violation of their personal dignity, a sort of keep-my-name-out-of-your-filthy-mouth thing. I can’t remember the reason they said the name tag was for, but I do remember thinking that it didn’t pass the smell test for me. 

[oblong]

My original point abou the "My pleasure" thing is that it tells me that the business has an attention to detail and so do the employees.  It's a sign of jobs well done.  Not for feeding my ego but, like the Van Halen Green M&M's legend, it shows a level of completeness and quality.  They are making an effort at customer satisfaction.

 

[LaceyLou]

I'm in an awkward generation that grew up to address people formally; your boss would never be Bob or Jane but Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones, for example. For younger people, 'you're welcome' or even 'my pleasure' sound too formal and stiff, so they go with 'no problem' or 'yup,' which sounds rude to many people. FWIW, I always liked that a former neighbor of mine would respond with 'of course.'

Speaking of informality, I think the topic of automatically addressing people with a nickname has come up before. Not only is my nickname not what most people shorten my name too, but I really hate what they shorten it too. When it doubt, address people formally, until somebody says otherwise.